Don’t trust anyone who is really keen to play scrabble with you. They just want to knock you down a notch. While endlessly searching for obscure words like “za” and “faqir” in the official scrabble dictionary I learnt that people who have problems with themselves often try to destroy others to boost their ego. And for certain individuals there’s no better attack than laying the letters XYLO next to your effort of PHONE (especially if they get a triple word score).
How do we win this battle? Just blindly fire missiles. If we hit something, shoot some more missiles around the general area. Children play this game. What better way to learn how the military-industrial complex? I can’t wait until I have kids and on rainy days we can play a rousing game of Drone Strike.
3) Mouse Trap
More than a mini Rube Goldberg machine, this game actually had rules, I think. But who cared? I’m pretty sure every kid just set it up and watched it go, mesmerized right up to the point where the plastic net came down over the plastic mouse—then packed the board game away and never thought about it again. And that’s okay. Sometimes you just have to enjoy things for the sake of enjoying them.
2) Hungry, Hungry Hippos
Possibly one of the stranger board games in existence: four players each frantically slap their plastic hippo to make it eat balls off a board; you win by getting the most balls. It’s like marbles but turbocharged and with hippos for some reason. It taught me that there’s only so much happiness in the world—and you need to get yours. So next time life dangles balls in front of your face you better gobble them right up.
There’s no better way to learn about the drudgery of life than playing Monopoly. It just never ends. I mean seriously, how do you win this game? When there’s no more of those little red houses left? No, you just go round and round the board making and losing money, buying and losing properties, getting second prize in beauty contests (yeah—first prize is for winners, chump) until you end up resenting every member of your family.