Top Five Foods That Are Depressing to Eat Alone



5) Soup

As soon as winter hits you make a big pot, ladle it out into Tupperware containers and freeze it. You get home from work on a rainy night and you heat up a batch. It’s just like a nice warm hug, isn’t it? Weeks later, when you’re finishing your last bowl, you realise that a broth of thyme, celery and ham bones is no substitution for actual physical contact with another human being, no matter how many crusty rolls you dip in it.


4) Pancakes

You roll out of bed on a beautiful Sunday morning. Birds are chirping. Children are playing in the street. A neighbour is mowing their lawn just far away enough for it to be nostalgic instead of annoying. It’s a perfect day for a short stack of pancakes drizzled with maple syrup. Butt when you break down the recipe so it’ll feed just one person, it calls for flour, milk and a quarter of an egg.

3) Box of chocolates

You curl up on the couch, pop on a romantic comedy, sip a peppermint tea. You make your selection from the picture menu on the underside of the lid. Maybe a Turkish delight this time? Just a little indulgence, you tell yourself. This would be fine if you received the box of chocolates as a gift, but we both know that isn’t the case.


2) Roast chicken

You cook it on a whim, because it had been so long since you last had a roast dinner. You put the leftovers in the fridge and over the next few days you make chicken sandwiches, chicken pasta, chicken salad. It’s no use. You still wind up with a half-eaten rotten carcass that you can’t help but notice is the perfect metaphor for your life.


1) Birthday cake

You put a single birthday candle on a cupcake you bought for yourself as a joke. You even sing Happy Birthday to yourself. Super ironic! Until you get to the end of the song and yell “hip-hip!” and you’re met with complete silence.
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